reformed party girls...are you one of them?

Maybe it's the recession, but some party girls are cleaning up their images and exchanging their dirty martinis for mineral water. i'm not a quitter, but it seems to be one hell of a trend for many girls out there. with so much emphasis placed on being eco-friendy these days, you might seem like an asshole if you're stuck in your partying ways, spending money on nights out instead of domestically-made hemp sandals and Kashi cereal. not that there's anything wrong with being sassy and organic (i eat mostly organic food), but doesn't everyone need some kind of vice? here i present 10 signs you just may be a Reformed Party Girl.

1. you removed your boob implants and donated the silicone to poor, flat-chested girls.

2. at the bar, when a hot guy approaches ready to buy you a drink, you pull out a Deepak Chopra book and start a long monologue about "reinventing the body".

3. your bar crawl switched from saturday nights to sunday mornings, when you go to clean up cans and bottles on the street to return and recycle.

4. You've taken up knitting.

5. Lindsay Lohan and Tara Ried came to your garage sale & complimented your shot glass collection.

6. A sexy night with your boyfriend means oven pizza and watching Sober House.

7. Your grandma says you need to loosen up.

8. your friends were suprised when they came to your "party" because it turned out ot be a tupperware party.

9. you've shown up at the door of every Bad Girls Club cast member begging with them to "find the light" and "get help"

10. you watch Tyra, and tear up because everything she says is "so true".

the worst beer in the world

happy Easter everyone!
before you start your holiday festivities, it's important to know the difference between a pilsner and a porter, & if you're blindly swallowing Keystone Ice, you're putting yourself at risk for diabetes and kidney stones. Not to mention, it tastes like gasoline.
Speaking of beer that tastes like toxic fuel emissions, I'd like to take this time to rant about the WORST beers I've ever had, and the horrible pains that resulted.

I'm going to state the obvious one first. It's Steel Reserve. What a shocker... I know college kids think they're trendy by celebrating National Steel Reserve Day on Feb. 11th, in reference to the 4-11 stamped on the subversive malt liquor. This increased demand may be what changed the price from $.99 to 1.29 in most places..however, malt liquor is not the be confused with beer. malt beverages like mike's hard lemonade and smirnoff ice are malt beverages, but malt liquor is a different breed. malt is the ingredient that makes beer or any alcohol ferment, and often contributes to a worse hangover, like whiskey does compared with vodka, for example. But back to steel reserve... I only drank it once out of curiousity, after a stupid,insincere, shallow relationship dissapated 3 summers ago and I thought, What the hell. To everyone out there - DON"T DRINK IT! not to mention, there's no sophisticated way to hold a steel reserve 22 ounce bottle, so you might as well embrace it and hang outside with it in a brown paper bag. And do not drink red wine afterward. You WILL throw up all over yourself in your bed, and the next day (which was spent working in a BEER STORE near STEEL RESERVE for me!!!!!) you'll have a terrible stomach ache.
Next, I'm going to speak about malt liqour in the form of an imported malt liquor called Okocim. like all truly polish alocholic bevs, it's very strong and will knock you straight on your ass, especially on an empty stomach. my dad picked it up from the euro deli along with some other ones, and I don't think he realized it was malt liquor, and I ended up with it at the Christmas Eve family party. To illustrate the density of this brew, I'll start by saying it's 7.8% alcohol by volume (ABV), compared to the usual 4-5% of the standard Labatt Blue/Blue Light. It's very dark and belongs in hell.
to sum it all up, no matter how far your malt liquor has traveled, it's still shit.